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Edit 4/10/09: added first verse


Bah. Title limits.
Angels Should Stay Away When They Die

Comments and crit welcome.
There are three or four strong stories here - I can never really choose between so never write down what they might be about...

And perhaps, inside, they are in Shards...
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:iconcharmed-ravenclaw:
Charmed-Ravenclaw Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I quite like the rhyme of this piece.
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you ^_^
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:iconcharmed-ravenclaw:
Charmed-Ravenclaw Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconratzer:
Ratzer Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
wooh! sent a shiver down my spine, beautiful poetry, and how its meant to be, packed with meaning! Nothing to say about your grammar, looks perfect to me. Wonderful! I love it, going in my favs
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow, thank you!
Reply
:iconalmalobana:
almalobana Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2008   Writer
Thanks for the entry into my contest, as one of the winners you have been featured here: [link]
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconglompage:
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:iconalmalobana:
almalobana Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2008   Writer
:lol:

I'll take that to mean something along the lines of 'thank you', only more enthusiastic... so I'll say 'you're welcome' :)
Reply
:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
>.>
<.<

Your news... it pleased me. So yes. :D That was a thank you.
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:icondrawinginthesky:
DrawingInTheSky Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2008  Student Writer
gorgeous and some how frightening, amazing job

~Dits
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much!
Yes - there was definitely a less friendly side to some of the poem, I'm really pleased some of it came through. One of the stories was that she'd had her wing torn out by a superstitious mob, another theme is that she did herself and is wandering about in pain and anger and cruelty...
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:icondrawinginthesky:
DrawingInTheSky Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2008  Student Writer
mm, i was almost thinking like someone close to her had died or maybe she had been a guardian angeland her charge had passed on and she was just slowly dying from a broken heart or something.

no prob btw : )

~Dits
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well in other stories, the lady is a ghost, a tragic lover. But really, I wrote it so vaguely...
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:icondrawinginthesky:
DrawingInTheSky Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2008  Student Writer
it's fun tho becasue then your readers cna create new interpretations

~Dits
Reply
:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You just have to persuade them to admit to them >.>
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:icondrawinginthesky:
DrawingInTheSky Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2008  Student Writer
chja lol 'DETACH FROM THE NORM! XO!"

~Dits
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Precisely :innocent:
Reply
:iconoctopus2727:
octopus2727 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2008
Nice and classical. Reminiscant of W.B. Yeats.
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you.
Reply
:iconindiscriminatebullet:
IndiscriminateBullet Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2008
You really do have a way with words. I'll be having fun coming up with meaning to this poem, it's very pretty and very nice

Your words are so well chosen and so evocative
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:iconpandoralore:
PandoraLore Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2008
Really nice poem, I really like the ending. You have a way with words!
The only thing I can think in the way of critique (and it's something I seem to endlessly be promoting) is punctuation. Always, always remember punctuation. It helps to structure the poem, to give certain effects and overall helps with the flow of your writing.
Punctuation can really make a poem if used correctly but sadly it is often overlooked.
Really good poem, keep writing!
:peace:
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for your comment.
Ah yes, I tend to ignore punctuation while I'm writing because it pins down/breaks things up phrases before I know quite what to do with them. But you're right, this one needed it (I just filled in the gaps automatically when reading, so I hadn't realised). Anyway, I've added some ^_^
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:iconbirthstone:
Birthstone Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2008
Very nice
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
^_^ :heart:
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:iconkarringray:
KarrinGray Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008
I agree with the above. I like the vagueness, it adds a sense of mystery, as if walking in a dream. I am no good at writing critiques, but one thing that stands out to me is the line "Against the gentle spring greened stalks." I think changing greened to green sounds better grammatically and helps keep the flow.
Reply
:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:O_o:
Ooops, just realised that I WAS reading it as 'green' in my head. Thank you for pointing that out.
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:iconkarringray:
KarrinGray Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008
:hug:
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:iconsameer-dattani:
sameer-dattani Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008
its really really nice and rhe vaugeness really adds so much to the poem
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:iconflynn-the-cat:
Flynn-the-cat Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you ^_^
Reply
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August 2, 2008
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